Adoption Days are reasons to celebrate! Today is Sara’s Adoption Day – the day her sister Meera Lee and I brought her home from the Korean Adoption Agency baby nursery (35 years ago). She was only 10 days old. Adoption Days are celebrated in different ways in different families. We celebrated on each Adoption Day of my three daughters by going out for ice cream. I also gave them a book as a gift on each of their days (not to be confused or compared to their birthdays where unashamedly, the “haul” was more). As they got older and left for college, got their own apartments, moved to different states – wishing them a Happy Adoption Day is and always was the first thing I did when waking up on the morning of “their Day”. It always made me smile.

Remembering Sara’s Adoption Day this year, without being able to physically send her “wishes” is tough. I took the day off from work so that whatever I “remembered” I could do in private, experiencing it in my own way.

     The “reminder” on my iphone popped up early even though I was already “remembering”. I remembered how tiny she was – almost too tiny for the brand-new car seat I had for her. I remember going shopping on the way home partly to buy new baby things and clothes and partly to show her off to my friends who I knew would be where we were going. I remembered thinking she was the one who always wanted Neapolitan ice cream – especially the strawberry part. I remembered that when they were older and away from home on their special day, I would sometimes call them to remind them to “go get some ice cream” – have fun as not everyone had that built-in, extra celebratory day for an “ice cream run”! I remember many celebrations and going to many different places to find “just the kind of ice cream” that the Adoption Day daughter wanted on her special day.

     I know very little about Sara’s birth family. I was given a one-page paper with very little information on it. I know she was born in the southern part of S. Korea, near the city of Pusan. I know she had six birth sisters. I sometimes wonder if any of them developed breast cancer like Sara. Sara had the BRCA gene test with a result that could not determine any known genetic cause of her cancer. But yet, Sara was only 29 years old when she was diagnosed…I still wonder. Maybe when they all meet one day in Heaven, they will talk, she will know. But by then, it will no longer be important. There will be more joyous things to do and discuss, people to hug, reunions to celebrate. The journey continues….

     This year I look at what her birth mother did in relinquishing her daughter – letting her go so she could have a better life – and see it from a different view – a different side. We now have something more in common. We have both had to relinquish a daughter. We have both experienced the greatest pain of being the one left behind. I grieve with her and I celebrate FOR her for I am the one who was entrusted with caring and watching over Sara during her journey in this life. I am grateful for that responsibility and that honor.

     I recently was going through a file of some of the old stuff I used to write. I found the below “poem” I wrote 30 years ago (according to the date on the paper). I still do this three times - every year on their birthday and on their adoption day. I don’t need to be reminded. It is something I just always do. I always will.

 

               Happy Adoption Day Sara!

Every year

On the anniversary

Of my daughter’s birth,

I say a prayer

For the woman who brought

Her into this world –

My world.

So that I could

Love

And nurture

And help her grow.

I pray

For her family of birth

Who must remember

the one they no longer know -

But remember

The one they could not have –

For she was born

For another.

Such pain

Such joy

So soon

From one child

Who has grown

Strong,

Sturdy,

Independent.

I wonder if

She is remembering

The significance

Of this day

In her life

And in mine?

Does she wonder

How she is? –

Where she is? –

What she is doing?

I do.

I want her to know –

I tell my daughter

She grew inside another

So she will know

It is important

To understand

Her roots

In order

To face her

Future.

It is okay

To know the truth.

I wish I could tell her –

Show her -

Our daughter –

So big,

So tall,

So bright,

So pretty,

So healthy,

So happy,

And full of life.

How proud she could be

Of what she did

With her courage

The day she

Gave a life

A chance at living.

Thank you, Lord

For the one

Who was born

To be mine.

Thank you for the one

Who bore her to be mine -

Carry her ever so gently.