There is a train of thought by some that believe the children born to us are not just random genetic descendants but instead are the result of our children being the ones who choose us. I ride that train.

I was going through some old mementos of my family recently. Old photographs of my daughters growing up. School papers and birthday cards that were given and received among all of us were now separated into individual tubs for each. As the girls became computer savvy, we would sometimes write sentimental notes to one another – especially for birthdays, special occasions, or sometimes no occasion. I found one from Sara, my second daughter, that seemed to be somewhat foretelling and written during an occasion of “teenage turmoil”.

Sara’s note to me neatly typed and sent to me via Yahoo Greetings said:

“To Mom, I love you, Mom! I just wanted to say thank you for all that you have done. Thank you for caring about me so much no matter how much of a pain I have been. I know things have been stressful and hard, but you are such a great mom, and I am so lucky to have you. YOU have made me a great person and I will always be thankful. One lifetime isn’t enough to repay you for all that you have sacrificed. You are a great person, and anyone would be lucky to have you. But God was on my side, and he gave me you. Thank you. I love you, Mom. – Sara”

Thirty-eight years ago, the Korean Adoption Agency brought us together. But God was on my side too, as many things happened at just the right time in just the right way. It was the Base Commander of the most northern Army Base in South Korea where I worked. It was the Base Commander who knew the Korean-American Army Officer with the brother in the Korean Blue House (the Korean Presidential Residence at the time) who wrote the letter to the Adoption Agency about the Korean Law that said single parents could not adopt a child at that time in Korea. It was the brother of the Korean-American Army Officer who told the Agency he was authorizing an exception to the Korean Law so I could adopt my 2nd daughter as a single parent. It was the Korean Adoption Agency that placed a 10-day-old baby in my arms bewildered as to how I was authorized that exception to the Law from the Blue House. It was the many old and new friends whom I constantly talked to about wanting to adopt another child (I had already adopted a then 4-year-old daughter). It was the chaplains I talked with and cried with regarding my desire to adopt another child. It was total desire, commitment, passion, and knowledge that my 2nd daughter was “out there” somewhere. As sure as I had one daughter, I knew that my 2nd daughter was there being created and born for me. I felt it. I believed it with every ounce of my being. I KNEW and nothing or no one could dissuade me from that knowing.

My weekly visits to the Adoption agency were conducted with resolve. I would go to the Agency and talk with the Director or sometimes the Social Worker depending on who was in the office. Sometimes I would just sit and wait in the office peering at the desks of the Agency workers while they worked. I soon noticed that the discomfort levels of Korean workers peaked sooner than the level of Americans so if a block of American cheese or a carton of American cigarettes happened to make it into my bag of gifts, I sometimes took to the Adoption Agency for the children, it may have made them somewhat more tolerant of my consistent and frequent visits. At one point I was in their office so often they gave me an office as a Volunteer Coordinator to help as a go-between with other Americans wanting to adopt “locally” while living in Korea. Times were different in 1986.

Sara was brought to the Agency in Seoul by Agency workers in the southern part of South Korea – near Pusan. She was only 10 days old when I first saw her and brought her home. But somehow, Sara must have known how very, very badly I wanted another daughter. Somehow, she must have known that I would fight for her in the hardest battle of her life when she got older and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Somehow, she must have known and told God – that woman – that mom is the one for me. I pick her. She will take care of me. She will love me more than herself for my entire life. She will be there for me even when I am not sure I want her there. She will never give up on me God. I pick her. And so, it came to be.

My family of two became a family of three which later became a family of four when I brought home another daughter from China (that is a story for another time). They all grew up so fast as the days and years moved quickly filled with fun times, adventures in faraway lands along with the normal ups and downs of rearing children as a single parent. The support received from friends and family during the turmoil of trials and tribulations got us all through the mountains and valleys of living together and building a family.

March 19 is Sara’s birthday. March 29 is Sara’s Adoption Day. She would be 38 years old this year. If it weren’t for breast cancer which she was diagnosed with when her own daughter was just 5½ months old. Sara completed her journey in this life on May 11, 2020. What a beautiful journey she had! She traveled to many places both foreign and local, she made more friends than I knew was possible – every one of which was special and important to her. She had her mishaps along the way. Car accidents, broken bones, broken hearts, disappointing losses in sports, love, and life. Confusion and misunderstandings in relationships and school. Normal really…until it wasn’t. When she was diagnosed at age 29 with breast cancer – that quickly was determined not to be normal. But – and so it was.

And so, we did deal with that diagnosis. Because we had to. But mainly she had to – for 5 years, during COVID, and for her daughter who was only 5½ when her mommy took her last breath.

So – Sara – I am holding you to what you wrote to me in the note above. “One lifetime isn’t enough to repay you for all that you have sacrificed.” You and God owe me another lifetime. I will see you again. I will find you again. In our next lifetimes. It makes no difference how long that takes or when that will be. Because I know it will be. I knew in my soul that you were born for me this time. I know in my soul that we will be together again. That’s our soul connection. It is forever and unbreakable like my passion in adopting you.

Happy Birthday and Happy Adoption Day Sweetie! Thank you for giving me and being the 2nd happiest day of my whole life. Not the priority but the 2nd daughter and thus the 2nd happiest day of the three happiest days of my life. Your life brought immense JOY to everyone LUCKY enough to be included in it. I am GRATEFUL. Love, Mom