I am not sure where or when being mean and hurtful started to be equated with the truth or “being honest.” Where did “being nice” go? What about kindness? Say what you want about the start of Ellen DeGeneres’s most recent season, I LOVE her Kindness campaign. That is a campaign I will always get behind. Ellen also shows us how to be human; how to make mistakes, address them and continue forward regardless of critics. America needs to watch more Ellen.

Odd. Except for the anger stage of grieving (which was expected and brief for me) Sara’s death kind of took the anger out of me. Since May, I seem to have a lot more tolerance for people who are angry. I hear them, I see them, I even feel them and their anger. But I am not angry in return. I listen. I look at them. And then I tend to sigh and say a silent prayer for them or send them a dose of healing energy to hopefully calm their soul.

I like to keep up with the news, what is going on in the world – what is going on in MY world. Lately I have found that rather draining. Looking ahead with hope can be difficult or energizing. Keeping the faith can be demanding or stimulating. The news is about two things – the elections and the pandemic. That seems to be what is being talked about everywhere…all over the world. World leaders are increasingly speaking up about the U.S. elections and the pandemic appears to be worsening in all corners of the world. But I sometimes just want to retreat to my little corner of the world. Right here. In my spot. As Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory television show often said, “You’re in my spot,” as he gave the unfortunate soul sitting on the couch an expectant look of derision, annoyance and control (barely). I, too, would like the elections and pandemic news to get out of “my spot.” I would like the elections and pandemic to be relegated to the later half of the news rather than the first and primary things that are talked about on every news channel. But – having no control of what is shown on the nightly news, I must somehow manage the information that I am bombarded with daily.

I see a lot more anger lately. Anger that seems to come from some deep, dark place within a person than that which I was previously aware. That is a little scary to me. To see someone get so angry their actions almost seemed uncontrolled – to hear their words spoken at a level usually reserved for yelling at sports teams or drivers who suddenly cut you off in traffic – is somewhat unnerving. It makes me wonder if I really know who that person is. If they are capable of spewing so much hate at what seems like normal results of elections and/or pandemic news, then what is really going on in their life? Have they been hiding their true self? Have they been holding in an inner rage somehow that now seems to be released uncontrollably? How do I deal with that knowledge now? How do I continue associating with someone who I have seen react with such volatility and so spontaneously negative so quickly that it seems out of character and scary? What makes someone see or hear something positive about the Biden/Harris election and just “go off” suddenly? From where did that heretofore hidden rage come? What makes one person see an event as a fun, positive situation and another see the same event so negatively? What do you do with the knowledge of that person’s behavior being expressed so angrily?

As the Beatles said… ”Let it be”. Anger so strong that it spews uncontrollably from a person’s mouth and becomes manifested by erratic flailing of arms and stomping of feet as they come towards or walk away from you, in my opinion, cannot be changed by me at that time or perhaps ever. What I CAN do is keep myself safe and just “let it be”. Let the person be who they are. It is not my job to control other people. It is my job to control myself – which includes keeping myself safe and out of the line of fire so to speak. Including the line of fire of a person’s anger, condescending tone of voice and words, unwarranted and biased accusations, and forceful physical or verbal intimidations. I do not have to engage. That means that I get to choose when to try to listen and discuss opinions and when to walk away to take myself out of a volatile and/or unproductive situation or discussion. I get to choose what to put up with and for how long. That can be tough. That can mean making decisions that affect my future which I did not want to make at the time. That can mean somehow finding a way to stay “out of the fray” or figuring out how to defuse situations in the future. That can mean deciding when I want to do any of it and for how long.

I love the quote by Thich Nhat Hanh which reads “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment, he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” That is a very calming quote to me.

The hardest part is finding a way to still be around people who speak and/or act out in out-of-control ways probably because they themselves feel they have no control over a situation or maybe even their own life. Those are the ones who need help but perhaps not from me or you. Sometimes all we can do is continue to try to interact with them in a constructive, supportive, and beneficial way (for those with whom I have daily contact for one reason or another), to remember their actions are a result of their issues and their responsibility (me not taking their actions personally) and to be kind.

I have had interactions (I call it that as I can’t call it a discussion or talk when someone is bent on just “being honest” which is really venting out their frustrations and targeting me) in 2020 after which I seriously wondered what possessed that person to speak such angry words and specifically direct them towards me at that time. I will probably never have an answer to that question. But I can go forward realizing that whatever caused them to “go off” is about them – not me. It is something they must eventually own, and I do not have to take it on as something I own. It is theirs to manage. It is theirs with which to deal, get over and let it go…hopefully. Regardless of why anger is manifested so vehemently in some to the point of erupting in mean and hurtful words to another person, karma will usually take care of it as it returns to them in double-time as their past behavior is realized.

Calmer heads must prevail for all of us to go forward. Common ground must be found on which foundations for our future can be built. Forgiveness for misspoken words or actions must be given to clear the air and start again fresh. The world needs fresh air for survival and so do we. And as Ellen DeGeneres says at the end of every show – “Be kind to one another.”